If things in life were simple I guess life would be dull. Sometimes I can't help but wonder what things would be like if I could say what I wanted to say when I wanted to say it without worrying about what may happen because of it.
I want to tell you everything that is on my mind, I want you to know what I am really feeling, yet I am afraid that you will reject me like I have done to you in the past. Karma is sneaking up behind me, about to tap me on the shoulder and teach me a lesson or two. I know I deserve it though.
I am finally realizing that the things in life that I am striving for are the things that I had once and foolishly let go of. Can you ever recapture any aspect of the past? Is it wise? Can a part of your past become the key to your future? Silly questions to ask because I know that only time will answer them. So, i will wait and hope that I am making the right decisions in the meantime.
One of my new years resolutions was to quit dwelling on the past. Everything I did today brought back memories of you....I'm off to a great start.
I have technically been an "adult" for a few years now, but this Christmas I feel like I have finally grown up. This may (or may not) be due to the fact that I have to work Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas and I never have before. Either way, something has changed. This year I find myself working the hardest I have ever worked. I find myself always busy and often stressed, but at the same time I am very satisfied. I feel like I am actually accomplishing something and making something out of my life. This is not to say that all the years I put into school weren't an accomplishment. They definitely were, but I really didn't have anything to show for myself after graduation but diplomas. Now I feel like I am getting all that work and life experiences that I have wanted and am out in the world making some sort of a difference.
Some things never do change though. It's the holiday season yet again. Everywhere I go are the sights, sounds and smells of the holidays. I think about you the most often this time of year, its strange. We never shared a Christmas together, yet this is the time that you are in my thoughts the most. I hope that you are well. I'm sure you are......
Last year I lived by myself and I felt a little lonely at this time, but this year I have roommates and am super excited to share and get ready for the holidays with them. One of my roomies is already talking about getting a Christmas tree and putting it up this weekend, isn't it a little to early for that? I don't know, I guess we'll find out...
We will never be the kids we once were. Actually, we were young adults, but nonetheless we will never be those two people again. We had something that we both thought was magic and special. We connected like we had never connected with anyone else and will never in that same innocent way again.
I miss those days, but I know I can never have them back. If I could have done things differently I probably wouldn't (well except for the pain that I had caused you). My relationship (or lack there of) with you is something that has impacted my life in a completely unbelieveable life changing way.
I know you can't see it, and you most likely don't want to know and would never even bother to wonder, but you are the one who has made it possible for me to live and prosper and grow.
I owe you a lot; I appreciate your (previously strong, but occasionally there and continuously lingering) presence in my life. I wish I could express this to you, but communication with you doesn't seem to be a strong point of mine even after all these years.
Whether I am learning from the past, living in the moment, or thinking about the future the experiences we've had and lessons that I have learned from you will continue to guide me and maybe (or maybe not) one day they will lead me back around to you again. (Either way, its okay.)
Hello my name is sparkles. I'm new to elowel.